Lembas

[Wolfie65 1268xp 1]

So I’ve been watching some TheirTube videos on how to make Elven waybread and I don’t think anyone really gets it right.

Some make cornbread, some make some type of cookie/biscuit, all of them use white flour and sugar and try to make it as sweet and tasty as possible, which is not necessarily wrong , but kind of misses the point of what this food is supposed to be and do. Some of them do acknowledge the fact that the basic inspiration for Lembas was probably hard tack aka ship’s biscuits, but then quickly ditch that approach, since hard tack isn’t edible as is and must be soaked ins some type of liquid to soften it sufficiently to be chewed by someone who isn’t a Dragon or a Stone Giant.

What do we know about Lembas, as per Tolkien’s description ? It is a light golden brown on the outside, the color of cream on the inside, it stays fresh – or ‘sweet’, as Tolkien puts it –  for a very long time if kept in its’ Mallorn leaf wrapper, a small bite will fill the stomach of a grown man – according to Legolas – it tastes better than the honey cakes of the Beornings  – according to Gimli – and provides plenty of energy for trekking, hunting, rowing and whatever else the Elves of Middle Earth do.

A tall order. Alas, we are not Elves, we don’t live in Middle Earth, we do not have access to that magical grain the Elves use for this bread and the last Mallorn tree was felled to make way for yet ‘nuddah Meta data center or maybe a SlimeAzon customer disservice facility, so we have to try to create a reasonably close approximation instead.

Long term slow release energy means complex carbohydrates, so the flour would have to be whole grain, modern white flour ain’t gonna cut it, so our Lembas clone is going to be a little darker than the ME original. Some salt to extend the shelf life and enhance flavor, eggs and/or raw milk for high quality, 100% bio-available protein, might also mix in almond flour or finely ground walnuts, honey as a sweetener and preservative. Bake until golden and kind of shortbread-ish.

Lady Galadriel would be appalled, but that’s probably the best we can do.

[grantinvanman 8005xp 0]

I think shortbread is how I kind of thought it looked like, had the consistency of, maybe even the flavour and texture. I like shortbread cookies, I’d like your version of lembas I think.

[bvandewalker 2091xp 0]

I think as far as the “health benefits”  go and freshness properties,  Lembas is fantasy bread fellas you aren’t going to get all that naturally, so feat of bio-engineering.

Description wise though, for faux Lembas to serve at con parties and such, I would look at Asian style baked goods like the ones made in Japan and Taiwan, quite a few of them fit the visual and taste descriptions.

[sundancer 44204xp 1]

I see your Lembas and I raise you Panzerkekse. They match the visual description and they stay “fresh long”. They should. They are Hartkekse (hard cookies) from Bundeswehr MRA packets XD (and you can light fires with them if you add shoe cream)

[limburger 22342xp 0]

do we want to know how you know that they can be used to light fires @sundancer or is that part of army survival training ?

😉

[sundancer 44204xp 1]

We had a lot of spare time in regular duty times… let’s put it like that.

[Wolfie65 1268xp 1]

Sounds like Gimli would not be impressed by the taste of tank cookies…..

[sundancer 44204xp 1]

But Corporal Carrot would be

[pagan8th 13576xp 1]

Any food product that can be weaponised would be appreciated by Corporal Carrot.

[horati0nosebl0wer 20474xp 1]

Sam the Eagle judges you all… harshly

[sundancer 44204xp 1]

Does eagle taste like chicken?

[pagan8th 13576xp 1]

i feel sorry for the chicken… it’s always being compared to other food products… no one ever says “Chicken tastes like…”

[grantinvanman 8005xp 1]

@sundancer I would think it would be more like a big greasy bird, duck or goose maybe? Although, I don’t know anyone who’s tried one. Can’t shoot them.

[horati0nosebl0wer 20474xp 2]

Beware the Dire Turducken from Reaper. I don’t know if it would go well with Lembas. I don’t think these are an endangered species since people seem to talk about frying them a lot

As far as the baking process I think that the simple science in Good Eats explains to me how difficult the combination of nutrition versus fluff. The best I can think of is something like a high protein cookie with all sorts of food magic being done.

[wolfie65]

The closest real life items to at least the effects of Lembas as described by Tolkien would be these two:

The German farmer’s bread I grew up with – a fairly dark, robust, large round loaf with an almost black, crunchy outside and a gray-ish, almost sourdough-like interior. Taste slightly sour, probably a wheat/rye mix baked in a wood burning oven.It’s very filling, one good slice with butter or cheese will keep you going for half a day, it lasts a long time and tastes good even when stale. Not, as far as I know, available outside the German-speaking Alps.

And CLIF bars, an American energy bar less artificial in taste and texture than most of its’ cousins, almost cookie-like. Good shelf life and 1 bar is enough for a good 3-4 hours of bike riding.

• This reply was modified 2 days, 17 hours ago by wolfie65. Reason: typo

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