Middle Earth Mega Project
Down the Bogs!
The Dead Marshes, Arguably the squelchiest place in Middle Earth, which is really saying something considering the close runners up for the title included: the King of Goblin Towns Posing Pouch and the under-flaps of Gollum’s Loin Cloth!
The Elves not content to dislike the area for it’s perpetual pong, lingering stink and general oozing crapulance, have taken particular offence to the spectral residents sartorial stubbornness, failing to keep up with the times by still wearing the armour of old, the second age, which they see as “So0O0o Dagorlad”! And as such this “wart on the arse of Middle Earth” has yet to be visited by our somewhat effete chums from Rivendell who seek more floral climbs for their outings!!
This is no deterrent to Gollum, who undaunted by the reeking honk is well adapted to the traveling through goo and gunk. Unhindered by armour, equipment and clothes other than a warg leather loincloth of skimpier proportions than an Essex Girls Bikini, and all slimed up, he’s harder to hold onto than a greased pinball in a cowpat on curry night! Lets just hope that Frodo and Sam don’t get “Bogged Down” and distracted by the local spectral residents and their perpetual prank of fart lighting to way lay weary travellers!
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